


Technicalities

by Colubra



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Amusement Parks, Disney World, F/M, Family, Gen, TARDIS - Freeform, Universe Alteration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-31
Updated: 2013-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-21 22:51:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/905889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colubra/pseuds/Colubra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River obtains parole, so she decides to visit her parents. Amy's always wanted to go to Disney World, though she's almost never drunk enough to admit it. The Doctor offers a solution to her dilemma, but of course things go wrong, because he's the Oncoming Storm, not Santa Claus- well, except for a dozen times or so before he quit, but he's not partial to reindeer and Donna accidentally got a typewriter that lacked a 'd' key, and besides, he's retired now. (A fic for Dani that's long overdue. Happy birthday!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Technicalities

1.  
It all starts one night at the Pond house. First, River shows up their door, a smile on her face and a suitcase in her hand. Around her wrist, she wears a peculiar band.  
“They’re granting me parole,” she explains, hefting the suitcase into her room. Rory and Amy never say it, but she knows that the room is hers.  
Every time she returns to them, they usher her to the same place, which never shows any signs of disturbance since her last visit. She once found a mobile in the closet, but she never dared ask her parents about it. A plethora of glow-in-the-dark stars cover the ceiling. A blue bookshelf occupies space by a plush armchair. Often times, she traces the spines of the books with her fingers: 1001 Sights to See; Grimm’s Fairy Tales; The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; Stonehenge Decoded; The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World; A Wrinkle in Time (this one is River’s favorite, not only because of the dog-eared pages or the bent cover, but also due to the sloppy inscription within: Amelia Pond, age 7). At the foot of her bed rests a solid, oak chest, and on that chest sits a plush bear. It lacks an eye and an ear barely holds on by a thread. Tiny brown stitches crisscross its stomach. River rather loves that ratty, old bear; when her parents leave the room, she always holds it close, only to swiftly place it back. She is a grown woman, after all.  
The room, she thinks, is never really empty- and that’s what troubles her.  
“Parole,” Amy grins widely, the infectious sort of smile that takes root on Rory’s face as well.  
“Parole,” Rory repeats, as if he cannot find any other words. He raises his eyebrows. “That’s good, that’s really good.”  
“They’re allowing me on a mission- unsupervised, actually, with quite a bit of authority to wield. I am an archeologist, and they need me more than they admit. There’s a library in-” River pauses. “Did you hear that? It sounds like-”  
“The TARDIS,” Amy and Rory supply needlessly. Their daughter nods, not even bothering to shut the door behind her as she follows them to the Doctor. Just before the door, River halts. While her parents enter the TARDIS, she performs standard flight checks. Her hair: curly, fabulous, as usual; her breath: passable; her lipstick: nonlethal.  
“You weren’t supposed to hear me,” the Doctor informs the two Ponds, as if it’s their fault. Frowning childishly, he runs a hand through his hair. “I was silent.”  
“Did you come to us or River?” Rory asks. “We were going to have dinner with her tonight. You can join us, if you want.” He shuffles about awkwardly, assuming the manner of a father before his daughter’s first date. He squares his jaw, wondering if he can rescind his offer. The last thing he longs to see is his daughter kissing the Doctor. Again. He makes note to enforce the door open rule, as if she is sixteen years old.  
“River’s here?” The Doctor scans the area nervously, spinning around in a circle. “How do I look?”  
“I am not helping you become more attractive for my daughter!” Amy snaps, a slight grin on her face. Rory shakes his head, and then covers his face with one hand, staring down at the ground.  
“Fine, fine,” the Doctor acquiesces. “And, yes, I would love to have dinner. Unless, that is, you’re serving beans and stroganoff again, because in that case, I will just come back tomorrow night.”  
“We’re ordering take-out,” Amy says flatly.  
2.  
And they do order take-out. Somehow, though, they also manage to find the wine and then some more wine, and a bit more after that. The Doctor can’t help but notice Rory and Amy’s rather conspicuous consumption. It seems that the more he speaks with the River, the more her parents drink.  
Amy is more than half-way to smashed when she says it: “I always wanted to go to Disney World.”  
To be fair, it hardly comes out of nowhere: River begs the Doctor to take her to some Singing Towers in Darwinium or something, but he keeps suggesting other wonderful places to visit.  
“Disney World,” Rory repeats, as if he’s testing the word in his mouth. He possesses an even poorer tolerance to alcohol than his wife. “Disney World.”  
“Disney World,” the Doctor adds, perhaps to be included. He wrinkles his nose at the mere thought. “All of time and space, and you want to go to Disney World?”  
“Yes. Is that a problem?” Amy glares. “I wanted ice cream and candy shaped like Mickey Mouse and then rollercoasters.” No one tells her what a cliché it is, but the Doctor makes note to secure a few golden tickets for later. He supposes that he can bring up that park later, once Amy’s more amicable.  
“We could do Disney World,” River agrees, patting her mother on the shoulder. “Why not go in the morning? I’m in no hurry to get back.” She unconsciously taps the band on her wrist. After all, she has time- lots of it.  
“Disney World,” the Doctor says sagely.  
“Yes, dear,” River smiles sympathetically. “That’s exactly what she said.”  
The Doctor throws up his hands, and they flop upwards in a manner that defies physics. Cocking her head, River waits for his verdict, though she already knows what it is. She also knows that her parents are bound to pass out soon, and then she will have the Doctor all to herself. Innocently, she pours Amy yet another glass of wine.  
“Amy, Rory, River: it’s settled then. All of time and space and we are going to Disney World in the morning! Dress warm, pack your bags, grab your sunscreen…and also a lot of money, seeing as I have none. We can’t buy souvenirs with psychic paper.”  
3.  
“This doesn’t look like Disney World, Doctor,” Amy frowns, peeking out of TARDIS door.  
“Nonsense,” the Doctor replies. “I’m absolutely sure that this is Disney World in 2005. I know how to fly my TARDIS, Amy.” He gives her a knowing look as River hides her sniggering. Groaning, Amy rolls her eyes. He’s unbearable around River, she thinks, and not just because he’s painfully smitten. She nearly wants to take him down to a secluded location, take his bowtie hostage, and vow never to return it until he swears to keep his hands off her daughter. Over dinner one night, she discussed the possibility with Rory, who blanched and muttered something about a birthday present he never needed to know about. Oh well. She doesn’t need Rory’s help.  
Besides, the Doctor is alarmingly skinny; she could throw him over her shoulder without a second thought.  
“It’s not Disney World,” Amy insists. “Unless Disney World is underneath a giant swamp…”  
“No, no, no,” the Doctor knits his brow.  
“Looks like you don’t know how to fly her as well as you thought,” River observes drily. “And the parking break’s still on. You ought to turn that off.” The Doctor crinkles his nose as though TARDIS landed in the middle of a marsh just to spite him.  
“Well, this isn’t right,” the Doctor mutters.  
4.  
They land in the middle of a circus in 1912.  
It’s not Disney World.  
The crowd cheers and applauds anyway.  
5.  
Salem in 1692 is also not Disney World.  
6.  
Neither is the Lost City of Atlantis.  
“It’s not really lost so much as prudently discarded,” the Doctor explains as a giant squid wraps its tentacles around the TARDIS.  
7.  
“Good news,” the Doctor tells them brightly, stepping back into the TARDIS. “We’re at Disney World.”  
Amy raises her eyebrows, waiting for the clincher. He takes a deep, deep breath and fiddles with his bowtie. Ah, there it is, just as expected.  
“Bad news,” he continues. “We’re at Disney World in 2103. It closed about twenty years ago. An accident with a few of the mannequins in rides coming alive, but I took care of it. We should be safe now.”  
“Good enough for me,” Amy decides, grabbing hold of Rory’s arm. “Let’s go.”  
“The rides won’t even work,” the Doctor protests, though something about his words unsettles River. She knows that tone; he’s avoiding something, something dark and nasty and pending. “Why don’t we try again?”  
“Then bring your screwdriver,” Amy shoots back. “You broke them, and I bet you can fix them, too. And we’re not trying again. I’m not going to let you land us in Antarctica or the moon or a medieval joust.”  
“Actually, Antarctica is more interesting than you’d think- did you know that, settled beneath the crust, the penguins-”  
“Rollercoasters!”  
“She makes a good point,” Rory acknowledges.  
“All right, but stay away from the Bluebeard ride,” the Doctor relents.  
“Why?” River wraps her fingers around his wrist. “Is there anything alive in there?”  
“Oh, no,” the Doctor shakes his head. “It’s just very poorly done.”  
8.  
“You said that it was safe!” Rory yells as Amy drags him down a hallway covered in paintings of overly cheerful Disney princesses. One of them appears to be a centaur, another a clown, and a third is half-way to decomposed. He recalls the Doctor saying something brief about Disney’s second renaissance ultimately ending in the deaths of two thousand people. This isn’t an amusement park; it’s a graveyard.  
“I said that we should be safe! Should! It’s a technicality.” corrects the Doctor. A mechanical dwarf pursues him, dragging its steel club on the floor. It has a beard made from gears and fine strands of gold, like a necklace chain. Tiny golden hearts and circles hang from those strands.  
“Up here!” River hisses. She climbs up a tall, steep wooden ladder, only to tug at a silver door handle. “Doctor, your screwdriver.” She points at the metal door on the ceiling.  
After a moment, the door falls open, nearly smacking River in the head.  
“Come on, now!” River ushers them up into a dark room with rotting wood walls. Two more dwarves emerge, followed by a metallic mermaid dragging itself across the floor by its arms.  
“Rory! Doctor!” Amy screeches as her daughter pulls her into the room. “Come on!”  
“It’s not as if I’m not trying!” Rory yells back, swatting a very cross bunny with swords in its paws. Somehow, the piece of rotting wood that he brandishes does not do the trick.  
“Doctor, your screwdriver!” River snaps.  
“I’m trying!” he yells back at her. Down the hall, a rhinoceros short-circuits, followed by the mermaid, the dwarves, and at last the bunny, who has succeeded in giving Rory a rather nasty…well, basically, paper cut.  
“Get in!” Amy commands them. They know better than to disobey her. Her husband manages to scramble into the hatch without any harm, though it’s a close call.  
“You said you handled it, Doctor,” River says, breathing heavily.  
“And I did,” the Doctor counters. Nervously, he taps his toes against the floor. “At least, I thought I did.” His tone hardly convinces anyone.  
“We were supposed to be on vacation,” Amy gripes. “Now I have to destroy Disney World!”  
“Could be cathartic,” Rory mutters unintelligibly. No one really hears him, and he rather wishes to be smashed again.  
9.  
“And how the hell are we supposed to build a bomb in here?” Amy yells.  
River bites her lip, “Well…”  
Drawing something from her thigh holster, she smiles sheepishly. What she grabbed is highly illegal, of course, but it possesses that status one thousand years past this time. Technically, she hasn't done anything outlawed by bringing it.  
“No, no, no, no- we are not exploding Disney World," the doctor protests. Something raps against wood. A tap tap tapping, faster and faster and louder and louder.  
10.  
“You just blew up Disney World,” Amy mutters, half appalled, half proud. River nods as the TARDIS blinks in and out, appearing two houses down from her parents’ home. Adjusting his bow tie, the doctor scrunches up his face. “Remind me never to go on vacation with the Doctor.”  
She takes Rory’s hand in hers and ambles out of the TARDIS. Maybe they can raid the fridge, put on a movie, and pretend that they did not demolish the place she’d been wanting to visit since she was five. Better yet, maybe they should remember to stay the hell out of America.  
“You’re going?” When the Doctor says it, it’s less of a question and more of a disappointment. “We could go to a new planet- not Mars, though, I’m vetoing that. Too wet. Pluto, perhaps? No, I have a better amusement park in mind. Four golden tickets, it’ll cost us, and guess how many I have. Ponds, come along, will you?”  
Rory shakes his head; Amy’s expression speaks for her.  
“Why don’t you go somewhere with River? We’re a bit…exhausted. Give us some time.”  
“But, an amusement park. In space!” The Doctor rubs his hands together excitedly. No go. Amy gives him a hug and Rory stiltedly waves goodbye.  
Swinging closed, the TARDIS doors squeak. He stands there for a while, as if he’s surprised that they’re leaving, as if he doesn’t know that he’s a child’s toy, outgrown.  
“Why don’t you take me somewhere?” River presses her hand into his, her smile full of home. “You know how long I’ve wanted to visit the Singing Towers.”  
He nods, swallows thickly, and watches her man the controls.


End file.
